


A Moment of Peace, The Terror of Thoughts

by axolotloop



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF, dream team smp
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Clingytwt, Dream Smp, Dream Team SMP Spoilers, Gen, Post-Manberg-Pogtopia War on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Sad, The Exile Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo Misses TommyInnit, Tubbo might be becoming like Schlatt, Tubbo misses his best friend, Tubbo reflects on the exile, Tubbo wonders if he made the right decision
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:08:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28005168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/axolotloop/pseuds/axolotloop
Summary: He did it.Tubbo made the decision.He exiled Tommy. his Tommy. his best friend.A chat with Ranboo later, he walks back home, walks to his room, and breathes a sigh.And then he begins to think.
Kudos: 23





	A Moment of Peace, The Terror of Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> For enhanced reading experience, these were the songs I listened to while writing this one shot:  
> Overwhelmed - Royal & The Serpent  
> Moon River - Au/Ra  
> On My Own - Tessa Violet (lofi acoustic version)  
> Just Fine - Orla Gartland

**Alone at last**

Within the four walls of his room, Tubbo sat on his bed and a sigh escaped his lips. A sigh of relief? exhaustion? He really didn't know. He looked at moon rising up in the sky. It was pretty late. Tubbo was surprised that he hadn't passed out yet. He wondered where Tommy would be by now. Had he reached somewhere far away from the reach of L'manberg, was he building his new home, his new community? Was he angry? Hurt? Disappointed?

Decisions

He always had to make decisions

He'd always known he would have to make decisions, it was in the job description, wasn't it?

**President Tubbo**

People in high positions don't stumble upon them. They choose it, they work towards it, they earn it. Tubbo hadn't done any of that. All he'd done was be there for his friend, all he'd ever done was have fun with his best friend. And fight by his side. Through drug labs, wars, regimes, and festivals where you didn't know you were decorating your own funeral, it was still always them. Them against the world. So even though Tubbo hadn't worked towards the presidency, even if he hadn't looked for it, even if he had been the third choice, it was still okay. He had Tommy. Tommy would know what to do. 

But then he hadn't shown up for the first day of the job. That was fine, it was to be expected. Tommy was prioritizing getting his discs back, maybe even making a plan.Tubbo could work on the rebuilding of L'manberg without Tommy for a day, and then he could meet up with his vice president the next day to discuss plans for L'manberg and how he could help Tommy get the discs back. He didn't mind. Somewhere, however, maybe he did mind. Maybe he was nervous about his first day in such an esteemed and authoritative position without the one person he trusted the most by his side. And then Tommy didn't show up the second, or third day, and maybe he got more anxious. He still had the cabinet though: Fundy, the foreman, Quackity the Secre- _Sexytary_ of state. Karl joined in too, it was going to be okay! L'manberg was looking beautiful, established, a city to be proud of. Tubbo had even talked to Wi- _Ghost_ bur, and without the memories, well he was quite lovely. A great builder too. So everything was fine. Tubbo remembered how unsettled he felt, not talking and hanging out with Tommy. He was going around making decisions, _being all presidential 'n shit_ as his best friend would say. Everything was changing so quickly. But Tubbo wasn't worried. Tubbo wasn't worried

**Until he was.**

What was the point? What was the point of burning down George's house? Of destroying it and vandalizing it, what was the point? Tubbo could have told him that, he could. How long was Tommy planning to do this? More importantly, why hadn't he told Tubbo? It had been radio silence from his partner in crime, no help received, and the next thing he knew Tommy was creating trouble instead. It wasn't the trouble that bothered him though. I mean it did, it was a pretty big deal to burn and grief the King's house. But it wasn't the fact that Tommy had done that that truly bothered him. It was the fact that he wouldn't let Tubbo help him. He lied to him. Sure, Tommy lied a lot, he joked around, Tubbo knew this. But the walls were a big deal, the walls were taking L'manberg back to an isolated time, it was destroying the utopia he and the citizens built back up out of rubble. And Tommy lied, like it was nothing. Tommy lied to **him**. Did he not trust that his best friend would fix it all? Had a few days of not interacting really destroyed their friendship that much?

Even worse was the fact that Tommy wouldn't stay quiet, wouldn't let Tubbo handle it. He was the president, it was his job to manage conflicts and it was Tommy's job to back him up, and advise and be there for his decisions. Support. That's what Tubbo would've wanted. Support when rebuilding L'manberg. Support when picking the cabinet members. He kept talking though, kept talking over Tubbo. Tubbo shouldn't have minded, I mean it was what usually happened. But this time was different, this time it was like Tubbo didn't have any voice at all. It felt like Tommy....it felt like he didn't trust Tubbo. Wilbur gave him the position, the presidency but Tommy had always supported him. He remembered his best friends proud face in the audience, it was one of the things that helped ease his nerves. So why didn't Tommy believe in him? Well, I mean he knew the reason, he didn't want Tubbo. He wanted Wilbur. So it made sense that he kept speaking over Tubbo, it made sense that he wouldn't even listen.

**_If the roles were reversed..._ **

But the roles weren't reversed! There was a reason it was Tommy in this mess, there was a reason Tubbo was the one helping him get out of it. If the roles were reversed, Tubbo would be by Tommy's side, building new L'manberg together! There wouldn't be days where he didn't know where his best friend was. There wouldn't be burning and griefing of a King's house. And there certainly wouldn't be lying. He'd have trusted Tommy. He'd always trusted Tommy. Tubbo glanced at the moon outside, situating itself in the middle of the sky. It was getting late. He really should be getting to bed. He had a long day ahead of him, meetings and gauging the damages. But he had to keep thinking about it, just until he felt sure that it was the right decision. Because Tommy wouldn't have found another way. There was no other way. Every other plan, every single plan, there were flaws with. So many unknown variables, so many chances. Tommy was comfortable with the chances, comfortable with the risks, he was thinking about himself. He wasn't thinking like a vice president though. He wasn't thinking about the citizens of L'manberg. He hadn't seen the place grow, he hadn't seen it flourish. People moving in, chatting in the streets, a jovial atmosphere, a different....a better....a peaceful L'manberg. 

Tubbo was tired. He was tired of war, tired of seeing every single thing suffer. He knew what a tyrant's regime looked like, he did. He'd been there, right next to Schlatt through it all, right up till the moment he was trapped and killed. Dream was bad, he was terrible, but he wasn't unjust in that moment. He was simply striking back, and even then, he had given them an opportunity to move on. They didn't have to go to war. They could go back to more peaceful times. Tubbo didn't want to see his citizen..no..his _friends_ hurting anymore. 

**So maybe it was a betrayal.**

Maybe the decision was quick, going back on a plan. But the plan was flimsy, he called it, no one was listening, no one was _truly_ listening to him. Why were they all so quick to dismiss Tubbo's concerns? Was he not president? I mean he didn't ask for much, just respect, just an ounce of respect. He'd never thought he deserved it, but the new presidency had changed that, it had made him feel seen, made him feel proud to be actually contributing. So, did none of them see it coming? Could they say that they never saw the love Tubbo had for L'manberg, his aversion to war, to conflict. Did they not understand? Did they not want to?

Tubbo didn't go back on his decision, and even though his heart ached, even though his vision went hazy for a second and it felt like his brain was going to explode, he still kept it strong. He didn't look back at Tommy, he didn't falter. Maybe that was something he learned from Schlatt....the thought scared him. He'd usually share the thought with his best friend. He couldn't anymore. Then again, less conflict meant that there wouldn't be a chance of being anything.... **anything** like that shell of a man.

It was a sigh of relief, he decided, that had escaped his lips a while back. But it was also a sigh of exhaustion, and it was a sigh of fear, and a sigh of anxiety and twenty other feelings all crammed into one small action. 

He still wanted to fight Dream, he did, but he wanted to do it on his own terms. He still wasn't getting that, but he'd felt so bad about exiling Tommy, he decided maybe he'd follow someone's lead again, maybe that would be easier. And going after Technoblade, it kept his mind off of things, off of a certain ex-vice president spending time overseas. Cause he was still president, he still had to keep his citizens safe, he still had to fight. And he was tired, Tubbo was, but he knew what it meant to have a duty, to believe in something and see it through, completely through.

He made the right decision, he knew he did

No one could see that, but he could, he was the only one thinking rationally

He was backed into a corner, backed into a box that no one wanted to see.

Tubbo in a box, what will he do? 

**Make the hard decisions**

**Make the right decisions**

**Author's Note:**

> :) I've been thinking about this for a long time, I am sorry for any potential suffering, just know that I suffered twice as hard writing this  
> oh also follow my twitter because I pop off there and tweet about tubbo because I love him :)  
> @axolotloop


End file.
